Everyone calls them “AI,” but let’s be honest, none of these things are Skynet. They don’t think. They’re just very fancy parrots trained on terrifying amounts of data, spitting out words that sound like they know what they’re on about.

Traditional Google search is fine if you enjoy wading through ads, SEO-stuffed nonsense, and ten different sites all saying the same thing. The difference with these so-called “AI” assistants is that they actually do the heavy lifting for you, they read the pages, pull out the useful bits, and hand you a straight answer without you clicking through a swamp of pop-ups and cookie banners. In other words, less time scrolling, more time pretending you knew the answer all along.

The trick is knowing which one to bother typing into when you just want an answer, a draft, or a quick reality check. Here’s my unscientific, slightly biased take on the usual suspects:

ChatGPT

Best for: Explaining stuff and pretending to be clever.

This one’s the teacher’s pet. Ask it to explain quantum physics, and it’ll make it sound like a bedtime story. Ask it to write an email, and it’ll make you sound polite even if you’re not. It doesn’t always know the latest gossip (unless browsing is switched on), but if you want something explained without Googling six different forums, this is your bot.

Use it for:

• “Explain this like I’m five” moments
• First drafts (emails, blogs, breakup texts if you’re lazy)
• Brainstorming ideas when your brain has gone on strike

Perplexity

Best for: Finding stuff that actually exists on the internet.

Perplexity is like Google, if Google wasn’t trying to sell you shoes at the same time. It pulls in live results, gives you proper citations, and lets you click the links. If you like knowing where the answer came from, this is the grown-up choice.

Use it for:

• Tracking down articles or studies
• Quick fact-checks without doomscrolling
• Making sure that “fact” your mate swore by actually exists

CoPilot (Microsoft)

Best for: Boring office work you’d rather not do.

If you live in Word, Excel, or Outlook, CoPilot is your new unpaid intern. It’s not a research tool, but it’s brilliant at chewing through spreadsheets, writing polite emails, or giving you a PowerPoint draft so you can look productive without actually being productive.

Use it for:

• Pretending you read that 20-page report
• Making Excel do maths without crying
• Churning out office fluff faster than Karen in HR

Grok (X / Twitter)

Best for: Snarky hot takes.

This is Elon Musk’s creation, which tells you pretty much everything you need to know. It’s casual, opinionated, sometimes funny, sometimes… less so. If you want serious research, look elsewhere. If you want a cheeky answer about what’s trending on X, Grok will oblige.  But beware, it will prioritise X content, which is, well, shit most of the time.

Use it for:

• Seeing what X is banging on about
• Quick summaries with a sarcastic twist
• Reminding yourself why you don’t take Twitter seriously

Gemini (Google)

Best for: People who live inside Google already.

Gemini (formerly Bard, because apparently naming things once is too hard) is tied tightly into Google’s empire. Search, Gmail, Docs, YouTube, it’s everywhere. Handy if you want quick answers while still knee-deep in your inbox or lost in YouTube.

Use it for:

• Quick answers without leaving Gmail
• Summarising YouTube videos you don’t have time for
• Drafting inside Google Docs without admitting you’re winging it

So, Which One Should You Use?

• Want something explained properly? ChatGPT.
• Want sources and proof you’re not mad? Perplexity.
• Drowning in spreadsheets? CoPilot.
• Want banter about trending nonsense? Grok.
• Glued to Google already? Gemini.

None of them are perfect, none of them are actual “AI,” but they’ll save you from wasting time. And really, isn’t that the point?